Thankful

We are here right before Christmas and though, Thanksgiving has already passed us by this year, I can't help but reflect on everything that I am thankful to God for. I can sum most if not all of it up in one word though... Love. I have not felt so much love in my life since I was a young child. It's more than just some innocuous warm fuzzy feeling. It has weight... ti's almost tangible with imagery of going to my Grandma Ward's house for holiday feasts with the whole family. Joy filled the air so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

Once my Grandmother died, that warmth of love began to fade until I found myself living in my car. I was empty and bitterly cried out to God. I wasn't angry, just jealous of what I had lost and a little desperate to get it back. I was afraid it would never happen. I didn't want to live with this weight of isolation for the rest of my life, so I had planned on ending my life. Through a friend who decided to seek me out that Christmas season, God showed me that He loves me and that He has a plan for me. 

Though I didn't know what that plan was for me, I placed my trust in Him and slowly, my life started to make a turn. I found a place that I could live, I met Kelly, the woman I married. I began to grow up and learn how to live. After learning how to be a man on my own, I was able to begin rebuilding the relationships with my family with the help of God's patients, kindness, wisdom and of course, love. Kelly and I eventually got pregnant after doctors told us we wouldn't ever have kids, and we were able to rebuild our relations with her family.

Now almost two years after our son's birth, both our families have demonstrated so much love throughout this holiday season, not in gifts alone, but the way we are looking out for each other and coming together without expectations other than their company. On top of that, we have such a wonderful church family at Adventure Christian Community! I can not believe how wonderful it is to be so close to our friends and the God-Parents for our son! We are developing deep meaningful relationships with so many wonderful people! They really lift us up and fill our hearts with joy throughout each week!

I am also thankful for my wife and son! They tie me to this world, if that makes sense. I love to make my wife feel loved and I love playing with my little boy! To watch his face light up with we play is just priceless! I try so hard to give of my self to all of these people so that, hopefully, they get as much from my presence as I do from theirs. All these lives of love have brought a bit of that tangibility of love back into my life. 

I am mostly thankful to God for His continued guidance and protection. Without Him in my life, I would likely be even lower than I was at my lowest point, if I never had the nerve to take my own life. God is so good. If you are having a hard time this Christmas season or know someone who is, please know that with God, it does get better. I can't guarantee that without Him. He loves you and wants what's best for you, even if you don't see evidence of that at this point in your life. 

Ask Him for help and then listen... See what happens.