Saturday, December 22, 2012
Thankful
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Learning To Love With A Warrior's Heart
For instance Kell and I have struggled for many years to come to a place in our own hearts where we are able to forgive her rapist. This was not an easy feet for either of us, but with the love of Christ, our hearts were changed, even healed and we were able to forgive the actions this man took against my wife 2 years before I'd met her. A month after we gave birth to our first son, which was a very difficult pregnancy, my wife's rapist found her on facebook. We had taken no precautions to conceal any personal info including location information. Based on the various things this man did to Kelly repeatedly, we feared the worst.
I battled with a very dark place in my heart, where I had thought up some... rather disturbing ways to deal with him if he ever found us again. I had been very angry with him for all the suffering, pain and emotional scars he gave her. At the same time I have been healed of this anger and resentment toward this man, Kelly had been healed of her anger toward him and the emotional scars were finally healing. And in one click of the mouse, all this progress came crashing down. We were shocked, scared and very uncertain of what was to come. Is he going to try to track her down?
I struggled in my heart. One side of me, the old nature, wanted me to hunt him down like a dog and then tie him up and... well... The other side, the new creation in me (fulled by stories of missionaries and martyrs like the one who I'm named for, Nate Saint), wanted to reach out to him in the name of Christ and let him know I know what he did and let him know that he has been forgiven by us and he can be forgiven by Christ too if he only accepts it. Highly conflicted, I went to my pastor who I think didn't fully understand what it was I was trying to convey to him, rebuked me for being too over dramatic. He did tell me that my wife and family comes first.
After much thought, prayer and meditation, I find this to be true. I am to love God first and foremost, then love others. In that "others" there is no definition outright, however Paul does tell us husbands to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. How much did He love the Church? He laid down His life for Her. There it is. My wife, my Kelly first. Logic would then dictate my children and then everyone else. If anyone comes against my wife or children, in order for me to follow Christ-like love, I am to protect them.
I know this is getting longer than I wanted, but a current and unfortunately on going example is with my maternal grandmother. She is a little woman (figuratively speaking, of course) who takes pleasure in causing misery in the lives of others. She has enjoyed causing discord in my family for longer than I've been alive, trying to split my parents up on several occasions. She has been very hostile toward me due to my faith and political views. Several years ago, she flat out attacked me and my wife in public forums and facebook over some really rather trivial political oppinions I posted. During our pregnancy, she single handedly caused a major falling out between us and my parents, to the point where they weren't even present for the birth of their first grandchild.
We have since straightened out all the lies my grandmother told and are working on rebuilding the relationship with my folks, thankfully! I had blocked that whole side of the family from accessing anything on facebook, Kell started a new blog at an undisclosed web address just so my grandmother could no longer get any 'dirt' on us that she could twist around. Now I found that she is trolling around with a new, unblocked, facebook account requesting access to FB groups that I administer that she would have no need or other reason to access.
I know who and what she is. She has been forgiven by both Kell and I for her sins against us, but I can not allow her brand of poison to infect another generation in this family.I know it's not nice to cut of an elder in the family like that, especially from gaining any access to her great grand child. However how nice would it be if I allowed my son to sit in a viper's nest? Being blood related does not give anyone who acts that way the right to see our young, impressionable son.
As a Christ-Follower, I love her enough to keep her away (not to mention, she is very hostile toward Christianity of any form and anything I do or say to help change that would be lost on her as I am her uneducated grand*CHILD*), Love is not always about being nice, courteous or even polite. Love, among other things, is protecting the weak from those who would do them harm. Kell was weak against her rapist. My son is weak against my grandmother. Love is also about not giving someone the chance to sin again. You wouldn't put a diabetic in the middle of a bakery or candy shop, that's just cruel. I will not be offensive toward her, and even though we have forgiven her I will not allow her entry into the lives of my family ever again as I believe she, like a viper or a scorpion, can not resist the urge to strike at her prey.. I will stand, I will fight. I will love, I will protect.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Relearning To Trust
I know that is not a good place to be as a healthy person; mentally, physically, spiritually and relationally. I need to relearn to trust in those who are in my life. For one who's been where I've been and seen what I've seen, it's a scary proposition, but I think it's probably better than trying to go at it alone. I just don't have the strength anymore to do this on my own. I think this is what God has been showing me in the last few weeks.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Wrong Turn
I realized recently realized that somewhere in the last 10 years, I've let myself go... Not just physically, but mentally and spiritually too. Now in that time I've made a lot of progress in my spiritual walk, however now I'm looking back at who I was 10 years ago, I was disciplined, training myself mentally, physically and spiritualy. Now, I'm just lucky to make it by.
I've learned so much since then, and changed a lot, but I miss the discipline. Now that I'm a daddy, I need more than ever to regain that discipline... God help me, please!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
"I've Got A Bad Feeling About This..."
Monday, March 21, 2011
What Would You Do If...?
WARNING! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY THE AWFLU THINGS REAL LIFE HAS TO OFFER, THEN READ NO FURTHER!!!
What would you do if before you met her, your wife was raped? What if she was forced into an engagement to her rapest by her rapest? What if her rapest raped her several times a day with the intent of forcing her to bear him a son? What if she becane pregnant as a result of those rapes and ended up miscarying? What if she was locked in a basment apt with no way out but the front door and the threat of a beating and more rape if she atempted to leave? What if once her mother rescued her, he threatened her not to tell the cops because his aunt and uncle are on the police force and would burry any cases brought against him?
What if after all that she got her life back together and met you, got married and had a wonderful marriage together? What if you both had worked through all of that mess, moved on andout of the area, and didn't have to worry because he didn't know her married last name? Wha if hyour marriag became so good, niether you nor she could have ever dreamed this kind of marriage was possible? What if after being told you would never have kids, what if almost six years after being married, you have your firstborn and its a boy? What if not a month later, your wife's rapest finds her on facebook somehow and tries to friend her?
What would you do? How would you react?
Today, Kelly and I had to deal with that very scenario... NOT easy....